Public Service of the Musical Nature!

We here at xresistence are always tickled pink, blue and all rest of the colours to point out the good that goes on in our society, world and other places. In fact commending good work done by people, groups and other forms of humans lights up our day. So it is with utmost happiness, joyfulness and glee that we would like to commend our hardworking Naked Ankle Brigade for working tirelessly to clean up our music sphere.

Yes the turbaned ones are on a crus... .erm a Mission (phew!) to rescue our beloved country from bad singers and unoriginal music (there are unconfirmed but very juicy reports that, in addition to certain unnameable groups living in the caves of a neighbouring country, the campaign is also being backed by big Bollywood record companies). In fact they monitor our airwaves using the latest technology that identifies pitchless singing and atrocious copy compilations. Once a target is acquired they immediately deploy agents to deal with them. They use highly advanced psychological warfare (colloquially referred to as fear mongering) to make them realise the error of their ways in causing such emotional and physical distress to the general public and makes them step up and do the community a favour by stopping the frightful bodily-gas-inducing ruckus they are making at once!

We fervently believe that these Music Ambassadors should be applauded not only for this immense service to our community but also for lowering general noise pollution and reducing our carbon footprint!

Therefore, with tears in our collective seven eyes, we say an earfelt thankyou to you. Thank you for giving us the peace of mind in never having to hear them again. We would hug you, but we are too overcome with emotion to move... sniff.  

New Laws Old Habits..

(raagu: Old McDonald had a farm... again loosely based)

Old McMaldives had a chance

Ee ai ee ai oooh

And with that chance she made a Constitution

Ee ai ee ai oooh

With some human rights here, and equality there

Here a right there a right everywhere rights rights

Old McMaldives had a chance

Ee ai ee ai oooh

Old McMaldives changed her Government

Ee ai ee ai oooh

But then again saw the same old story

Ee ai ee ai oooh

No consultations here and sudden decisions there

Here a project there a plan everywhere lags lags

Old McMaldives changed her Government

Ee ai ee ai oooh

Old McMaldives got a new Majlis

Ee ai ee ai oooh

But in that Majlis she put some clowns

Ee ai ee ai oooh

With a walkout here and party politics there

Here a thug there a quack everywhere chaos chaos

Old McMaldives got a new Majlis

Ee ai ee ai oooh

Old McMaldives kept her judiciary

Ee ai ee ai oooh

But that old judiciary kept the same old systems

Ee ai ee ai oooh

With bad judgments here and lack of procedures there

Here a bribe there a release, everywhere crooks crooks

Old McMaldives kept her judiciary

Ee ai ee ai oooh

But Old McMaldives (still) has a chance,

Ee ai ee ai oooh

And with that chance she can still get it right

Ee ai ee ai ooooo

With a free voice here and a wise vote there

Here a voice there a vote, everywhere a choice choice

Old McMaldives (still) has a chance

Eee aiiii eeeee aiiiii ooooooooooh

Violence is not in!

Yes, we have been a little slack. All right all right we have been practically comatose ok!!! But then there was the world cup and Paul, remember that pesky crustacean? no? Anyway, and then the Holy Month came and we were busy following the Maldivian age old tradition of being Ramazan Muslims... and then... and then...

Anyhoo, last night we were watching tv as people tend to do, and then we saw this glorious sight of an honourable Sheikh lending his highly esteemed and masculine voice to speak out against domestic violence. We had a teensy bit of a moment of dazed, stupefied confusion but the sight was enough to galvanise our sleepy, apathetic, out to lunch grey cells into a quickstart mode and spring us into action!

So apparently there is a new Bill in town, a Bill against Domestic Violence. Since our collective middle names spell out the phrase "recongnising the good in society" (yes, its uncanny!) we immediately sought to yell out a collective whoop of jubilation that such an initiative has been taken up by our squabbly political persons. We send out a special appreciative sigh to Ms. Rozaina and team for their efforts. We also lent an enthusiastic ear to the deliberations that was going on in the Majlis yesterday on the Bill, and was quite chuffed by the support it was getting, including from the opposing factions. In fact there were no opposing factions in the Majlis yesterday, and appreciating the work of the other guys were articulated often and we were forced to check and recheck at intervals if we had, somewhere along the way, switched to Bizzaro World.

Of course, just as George Orwell explains some animals are more equal than others, all MPs make sense but some MPs make more sense than others. And what would we do without these sharp and passionate MPs of the sense making variety who always point out quite helpfully the doomsday scenarios Bills like this pose.

Leading the Sense Making MP Brigade is our very own MP Muthhalib. He was quite concerned that the passing of the Bill will prevent himself and other men of his sentiments from taking a second wife. Of course this makes perfect sense to us so we call on MP Muthalib’s right to have second wife secured while legislating protection for victims of domestic violence. And then the honourable MP Musthafa warned us that the Bill will create hordes of women banging the door down of the Family Court demanding divorces, and this is a serious issue, as before this Bill and the resulting power to women we have been a country of such an abysmally low divorce rate! He also said that this Bill will legalise abortion, and there was also something about a cleric in Casablanca! We hear you MP Musthafa! Even though we don’t understand a word of your reasoning we call on the intelligencia to interpret his pearls of wisdom and prevent the catastrophic future he predicts! Yes and there were those who said that the sentencing was too high for such a small crime. A small crime.. yes. Now sentencing in accordance to the crime committed is a valid point, which normally in this case constitutes a person causing physical or sexual harm to an intimate partner, child or family member that causes them injuries and sometimes critical enough to be hospitalised for treatment or causing psychological harm leading to low self worth, anxiety, depression and other mental disorders.

Now in a rare moment of all seriousness, domestic violence is a grave and important issue with critical social, psychological, health and economic impact for the country, and the quickly we do away with it the better. Women are especially vulnerable since they are more often than not financially and emotionally dependent on the perpetrator and unable to escape the violent environment. So lets hope for a genuinely comprehensive Bill being passed by our Majlis.

More power and justice to the victims we say!

To Paul the Psychic Octopus!

Don't you DARE predict that OUR TEAM will not win at the semis! Or at any match. Ever!

You think you are safe in your little aquarium? We have easy access to all your predators, within close reach, just waiting to be deployed! Put one tentacle in the wrong direction my friend, or shall we say towards the wrong mussel, and you will find yourself in very dire straits. With emphasis on the very.

And who is our team you ask? Well, if you are such a good psychic you should bloody well know shouldn't you!

kind regards

XResistance Team

Thank you Dr. Naik!

None of you will be unaware, unless you live under a kanamadhu tree in an uninhabited island, of the recent visit of the esteemed orator and memoriser Dr. Naik. He came, he saw and, by God he conquered. Now that he has done his good work and totally changed the worldview of the XResistance team into a twirling tizzy, we just wanted to spend a few minutes thanking the good doctor for his meritable words.

First of all Dr. Naik, thank you telling people how proud you are of being a fundamentalist and an extremist. I dont know if you are aware Dr. Naik, but we in this country are facing the increase of people with very extremist views. They are not educating or giving proper medical treatment to their wives and children, they are conducting underage marriages outside the official system, they are rejecting modern technology and doing all sorts of religious extremist acts. They have even exploded a bomb in our land. I'm sure they were feeling a bit isolated all this time because the majority of us Maldivians are not extremist, but thank you Dr. Naik, because they are now feeling validated, legitimised and loved by your statements, and I'm sure they feel much more driven to continue their ways. Although regarding this meaning of words business, do you know Dr. Naik that language is very fluid and that meanings change according to its usage? Look at the word hakuru in our language Dr. Naik. If you look at our radheef, it is something that housewives went next door to borrow when they run out of sweetners for their teas, but now its something with totally criminal connotations. But then, usage, context and changing times should be overlooked when making a point and you are such a good point maker, so good job Dr. Naik.

Also, thank you Dr. Naik, for equating Bin Ladin with Nelson Mandela. We totally see the connection between the two. Mr. Mandela promoted values of inclusion, tolerance, love and brotherhood, while Bin Ladin .. erm... quite obviously possess the same values. Now we know that in your statements to NDTV that you do not believe that Bin Laden committed any wrong and you think he was framed. Of course as a self educated intelligent logical person, if you feel all the videos he sent to Al Jazeera supporting acts of terrorism and calling for the indiscriminate death of the Western people is all bogus then we shall believe you. Because we believe you know all. Well done Dr. Naik.

You, and Mini You, in your generosity, cleared up a so many things about women as well. For instance you said those who do not wear the veil are inviting trouble. That makes sense. As does the twin sister story, you know the one, where one twin wears the veil and the other wears the mini skirt? Its all very logical. Although, we must say that in this culture if one twin wears the veil the other one would probably be wearing pants and a top, as mini skirts arent all that common. Or maybe you are talking about the Western countries? Then you might have a situation where one twin wears a veil and the other could wear a mini skirt. But then there are so many women walking around with mini skirts over there she might not get a great deal of attention. Also, the veiled woman would probably get all the attention since, as you quite rightly explained to us, those Western people hate Muslims and they would not leave that poor veiled twin alone. But then, all these actual contexts aside, I'm sure what you said makes more sense. You always do, Dr. Naik.

And then there's your explanation about why two women's testimony is equal to one mans. You explained it so well, as you always do. You said if a surgery needs to be done where two surgeons are required, and there's only one surgeon available you would get two MBBS doctors to make up for the missing surgeon. So two MBBS surgeons = one surgeon. This makes it all so simple. Of course if the surgeon available was female (because you know surprisingly enough there are female surgeons in this world) then would you need  4 MBBS doctors in total or one more surgeon for the female surgeon? Also can two MBBS doctors stand in for a something complicated like neuro surgery? But all these questions do not matter. What matters is that you said it and it must be true. Thank you Dr. Naik.

Furthermore, now who would forget that now infamous incident where you silenced that self proclaimed non Muslim. It was amazing the logic you used, for you are the most logical. The way you told him off for not using the same logic in religion and food? That was fabuloso! Of course, all logical persons use the same logic in making all decisions regarding religion and food and all other things in life. Now we are sure you would use the same logic in say choosing whether, on a certain day, to go para sailing or banana boating, or in deciding how many times you would mention Peace tv in a sermon. And you were also right that we should not question when a doctor gives us a medicine on what it is and what it does. You should blindly follow the doctor whatever he or she gives you, you don't have to know what you are ingesting into your body at all! Its just like how we should blindly follow you without question Dr. Naik, because you know best. Not only do you know best you know everything. You are wonderful, Dr. Naik.

And most of all, we would like to thank you for pointing out how bad all the other religions and non Muslims are. All other religions are nonsensical and all non Muslims are out to get us. And thank you for explaining to us that the main reason to be a Muslim is because all the other religions are so bad and illogical and their followers hate us anyway so there's really no point. Of course we would have thought that a better reason would be not to belittle other religions but to point out all the good things in our religion for there are so many. But then, we should really not think much about these things, for as you said the ordinary people should not really bother to use their brains when there are experts like yourself to explain things to people. Because like you said ordinary people are so mentally deficient that it would be impossible for them to grasp these simple things. We get that Dr. Naik, we really really do.

So finally, again, thank you Dr. Naik. Thank you for being our expert and most importantly thank you for the logic. We shall strive not to be extra smart. Thank you Dr. Naik.

Questions You Cannot Ask after the Religious Unity Regulation.

What if a woman wants someone other than her husband in heaven?

Why do Rabbis wear those funny hats?

Whats the deal with the twirling among Sufis?

Why do radical Muslims, Jews, Hindus and Christians all yell the same rhetoric?

Why does the Pope (zzp! colour bar)

Isn't it selfish for men to marry more than one woman in a country that has less women than men?

Are Christians ticklish?

Why is it that men go to heaven if they obey God and women go to heaven if they obey their husbands?

Are Shi'a Muslims smellier than Sunni Muslims?

Why is the sky blue?

Why don't preachers talk about male responsibility in curbing harassment, assault and fornication?

If you prick Jews will they bleed?

Are Christian women as evil as Muslim women?

Does Hindu babies take 9 months to grow in the womb as well?

Why do we get enraged when Muslims cannot display religious symbols in a secular country while we are content not allowing foreigners to express their faiths?

Does Shi'a children hate doing homework as well?

How does the Pope (zzp! colour bar)

Does our Bangladeshi brothers have lesser Net Muslim Value than our Palestinian brothers?

If you twirl a Jew round and round and round will he get dizzy?

Why is Vishnu blue?

How can a government regulate personal beliefs....?

Take that Aspiring Women Leaders!

The nerve!! When the Bill on Decentralisation was sent to the Parliament there was a clause that said both men and women should have a minimum 30% representation in the local councils. This gave WOMEN leeway to acrobatically twist and turn their way into our sacred local councils. Again, the nerve!!! Luckily this monstrosity of a clause was removed by our very able Parliamentarians of the opposition coalition persons. Well done we say!

People are not aware of the disaster that has been averted, for undoubtedly disaster has been averted. Thankfully, you people have the ever knowledgeable and all illuminating XResistance team to enlighten you. Yes we know, thank God for us! Pat on the back for us!

Let us go back a little bit in time and imagine if there was such a frightful clause in the Parliamentary elections bill! Oh the horror! The Parliament would've been infiltrated by halfwits and incapables. The legislating would've been unimaginably slow, people would address each other by titles to their faces and by profanity to their backs. Parliamentarians will be overly emotional, sulky and threaten to walk out at every other meeting. Heck, they might even change the colour of the Constitution to shocking pink!!! Unfortunately even now we have not rid ourselves of the pesky women in our Parliament. We are watching you Women Parliamentarians, and we are tolerating you as an undesirable element we cannot change, like those ads we had to put up with during the telecasts of Kiyunki Saas Bi Kabhi Bahu Thi. (Did you have Tulsi wanting to run for local councils?? We think not!!)

So, really, take that Aspiring Women Leaders! Dont give us this 50% of the population should have an opportunity to have a say on decisions that affect their lives crap. Tough! So what if you are structurally and financially disadvantaged to get an even field to contest in elections. Boo frikkin hoo! Do we care that community norms and practices and radical religious yellings make it difficult for women to be active in the public domain? Not a bit. And don't give us examples of those women who were given an opportunity to get their foot in the door (like some women who were among those appointed Parliamentarians we used to have) who are now active leaders in their field. They don't count. Plus we don't like acknowledging evidence contrary to our beliefs.

And anyway, the most important thing about the decentralisation bill was not ensuring the participation of the people in decision making, or strengthening the participatory and consultative principles of democracy, or increasing accountability to the people and transparency in governance or even giving special opportunities for disadvantaged groups to have their say. No indeedy! It was about whether the government should be allowed to group administration into Provinces or not, because God forbid that even one letter in our set-in-stone brought-down-from-a-mountain Commandments.. excuse us, Constitution should be disregarded! And that matter has been finally settled. Phew!

So take a bow Parliament! (Or whats was left of it after the walkout). You can take a rest now, you have earned it!