None of you will be unaware, unless you live under a kanamadhu tree in an uninhabited island, of the recent visit of the esteemed orator and memoriser Dr. Naik. He came, he saw and, by God he conquered. Now that he has done his good work and totally changed the worldview of the XResistance team into a twirling tizzy, we just wanted to spend a few minutes thanking the good doctor for his meritable words.
First of all Dr. Naik, thank you telling people how proud you are of being a fundamentalist and an extremist. I dont know if you are aware Dr. Naik, but we in this country are facing the increase of people with very extremist views. They are not educating or giving proper medical treatment to their wives and children, they are conducting underage marriages outside the official system, they are rejecting modern technology and doing all sorts of religious extremist acts. They have even exploded a bomb in our land. I'm sure they were feeling a bit isolated all this time because the majority of us Maldivians are not extremist, but thank you Dr. Naik, because they are now feeling validated, legitimised and loved by your statements, and I'm sure they feel much more driven to continue their ways. Although regarding this meaning of words business, do you know Dr. Naik that language is very fluid and that meanings change according to its usage? Look at the word hakuru in our language Dr. Naik. If you look at our radheef, it is something that housewives went next door to borrow when they run out of sweetners for their teas, but now its something with totally criminal connotations. But then, usage, context and changing times should be overlooked when making a point and you are such a good point maker, so good job Dr. Naik.
Also, thank you Dr. Naik, for equating Bin Ladin with Nelson Mandela. We totally see the connection between the two. Mr. Mandela promoted values of inclusion, tolerance, love and brotherhood, while Bin Ladin .. erm... quite obviously possess the same values. Now we know that in your statements to NDTV that you do not believe that Bin Laden committed any wrong and you think he was framed. Of course as a self educated intelligent logical person, if you feel all the videos he sent to Al Jazeera supporting acts of terrorism and calling for the indiscriminate death of the Western people is all bogus then we shall believe you. Because we believe you know all. Well done Dr. Naik.
You, and Mini You, in your generosity, cleared up a so many things about women as well. For instance you said those who do not wear the veil are inviting trouble. That makes sense. As does the twin sister story, you know the one, where one twin wears the veil and the other wears the mini skirt? Its all very logical. Although, we must say that in this culture if one twin wears the veil the other one would probably be wearing pants and a top, as mini skirts arent all that common. Or maybe you are talking about the Western countries? Then you might have a situation where one twin wears a veil and the other could wear a mini skirt. But then there are so many women walking around with mini skirts over there she might not get a great deal of attention. Also, the veiled woman would probably get all the attention since, as you quite rightly explained to us, those Western people hate Muslims and they would not leave that poor veiled twin alone. But then, all these actual contexts aside, I'm sure what you said makes more sense. You always do, Dr. Naik.
And then there's your explanation about why two women's testimony is equal to one mans. You explained it so well, as you always do. You said if a surgery needs to be done where two surgeons are required, and there's only one surgeon available you would get two MBBS doctors to make up for the missing surgeon. So two MBBS surgeons = one surgeon. This makes it all so simple. Of course if the surgeon available was female (because you know surprisingly enough there are female surgeons in this world) then would you need 4 MBBS doctors in total or one more surgeon for the female surgeon? Also can two MBBS doctors stand in for a something complicated like neuro surgery? But all these questions do not matter. What matters is that you said it and it must be true. Thank you Dr. Naik.
Furthermore, now who would forget that now infamous incident where you silenced that self proclaimed non Muslim. It was amazing the logic you used, for you are the most logical. The way you told him off for not using the same logic in religion and food? That was fabuloso! Of course, all logical persons use the same logic in making all decisions regarding religion and food and all other things in life. Now we are sure you would use the same logic in say choosing whether, on a certain day, to go para sailing or banana boating, or in deciding how many times you would mention Peace tv in a sermon. And you were also right that we should not question when a doctor gives us a medicine on what it is and what it does. You should blindly follow the doctor whatever he or she gives you, you don't have to know what you are ingesting into your body at all! Its just like how we should blindly follow you without question Dr. Naik, because you know best. Not only do you know best you know everything. You are wonderful, Dr. Naik.
And most of all, we would like to thank you for pointing out how bad all the other religions and non Muslims are. All other religions are nonsensical and all non Muslims are out to get us. And thank you for explaining to us that the main reason to be a Muslim is because all the other religions are so bad and illogical and their followers hate us anyway so there's really no point. Of course we would have thought that a better reason would be not to belittle other religions but to point out all the good things in our religion for there are so many. But then, we should really not think much about these things, for as you said the ordinary people should not really bother to use their brains when there are experts like yourself to explain things to people. Because like you said ordinary people are so mentally deficient that it would be impossible for them to grasp these simple things. We get that Dr. Naik, we really really do.
So finally, again, thank you Dr. Naik. Thank you for being our expert and most importantly thank you for the logic. We shall strive not to be extra smart. Thank you Dr. Naik.
